Tired of a lonesome life of longing for someone’s unconditional love; I began to search.
No one stood out as I scrolled endlessly for the love I was ready to receive at this point in my life. I felt friendless and alone in a world of scholars, extremists, philanthropists, activists, hippies, stoners, gamers, and all the other explorers of this world. Why couldn’t I find him or her?
I was always open minded with little to no preference. I figured someone more petite would suit my lifestyle at this junction, but was still flexible depending on the connection we made. Then, I found him!
His beautiful tri-color coat and bright shining soul captivated me instantly. I kept gravitating closer and closer to my screen until pixelated dots filled my pupils. I had found him!
The drive from Santa Barbara to Fresno, CA was long and tiresome. A single lane highway laid before me. My chest filled with anxiety as I crept closer to him.
*ding* “Arrived.” A British, male voice had instructed me as I turned into the driveway. My heart leapt and bound as I felt the intense beating almost tear through my chest.
I walked to the back and met his sister, who greeted me with an incomparable love and enthusiasm. As I reflect back, I wonder how different life may have been had I chosen her as my partner instead.
Then, I caught him out of the corner of my eye rolling around in dirt underneath the gigantic trampoline. His wild spirit called as I scooped him up. I could feel his longing to stay and enjoy the cool dirt as we began to head to the car. The more I contemplate, the more I question my choice in him over her. Little did either of us know about the path we were about to embark upon.
A year passed as I entered a tizzying spiral of disparity and abuse. I was unkind to my own body, robbed myself of a beautiful youth, and took my life for granted. I was fortunate enough to come home every night (or morning) to my loving companion and dearest friend, who exuded a kind heart and gentle touch to my tormented soul.
He listened as I wept myself to sleep. He licked up every salty tear he could catch before hitting the floor. He consoled me, cuddled me and loved me unconditionally, when I felt undeserving and worthless. He was my rock; my life; my angel.
The following year went from self destruction to utter chaos as the worst chapter of my life began to unfold.
Lying to myself as I ignored my intuition we thought one trip to San Francisco, and then we would be fine; we would be safe; we would go home. Realizing the insanity I cast us both into; I found myself perplexed at my surroundings. We packed and waited for the taxi to arrive. I heard a loud screeching of tires, and felt my hair being pulled as I was dragged into that room.
Door locked. Threats being yelled. Thrown on the bed. Hands tighten around my neck. All airwaves sealed. Darkness.
I woke up in the backseat of the car with the light of my life in my lap. I began to sob as I began to comprehend what had transpired. “One day my love you will be safe in your forever home. I promise.” I whispered in the meekest of breaths.
15 minutes and we were in Salt Lake City, Utah. 2 days later Denver, Colorado; 3 days later Kansas City, Kansas; 2 days later St. Louis, Missouri, the next day Schaumburg, Illinois, then Chicago, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, New York, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., Durham, Charleston, Atlanta, and finally, Nashville, Tennessee.
Since this escapade of madness, abuse, violation after violation, shame, despair, and utter darkness: we lost 2 dogs, I was forced to purchase a car that I was not allowed to drive, I had no way of seeing two feet in front of me (since I was out of contacts and did not have glasses, nor was I allowed to have either), and had more than 3 near death experiences. Now we were about to rent a house after a year and two months of traveling…. Luckily my faithful and worn out companion remained by my side.
We took trips to Birmingham, New Orleans, Dallas, and Houston during the next six months. During this time the female counterpart, one of my vile captors, was taken to jail, and held for two weeks. The heinous cloud of darkness that plagued my very existence decided he wanted to go out for a tattoo.
No one was watching me. My beloved boy stared into my eyes. We were finally alone. “It’s time,” I said. “We are on our way to our forever home where we will be safe for the rest of our days. I promise.”
I grabbed the belongings I owned prior to the misery of this existence. Car keys in hand and loyal friend by my side we started the engine.
Shaking in panic, I could not control the intensity of every muscle in my body seizing as I headed for the airport.
“Where am I going? What does that sign say? Where am I? How do I get there? Who can help me?” I quandered as I finally found the airport exit.
“Please come help me and make sure I’m safe and can get on a flight I can’t leave my dog he has been with me through everything!” I rattled off into a slur of muffled, snot dripping fear.
“I’m not even on duty.” His calm voice replied as I felt my heart sink.
“Pleaseeeee” I pleaded with him as I felt myself choking with each breath.
“Okay, I’m on my way. Tell airport security to lock you in a safe room,” he replied.
“What if they think I’m crazy? What if they don’t believe me? What if they don’t help? What if he gets me first?!” My overactive mind screamed in my throbbing head.
I did as I was told and was secured in a safe place with the hollow shell of my once lively friend. Exhaustion dripped from his aura.
Terror shivered up my spine.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
My vacant stare went ignored.
“I have some bad news,” he continued. “Your dog cannot fly until all of his shots are up to date so here are your options…”
I broke out into tears hysterically sobbing as I clutched my sweet boy to my chest.
“You can stay here and take care of his shots, then go home, or you can leave him with me. I will make sure all his shots are administered, and that he’s on the next flight home to you.”
A mixture of confusion, terror, and gratitude washed over me. This man was an angel.
I cried as my love locked eyes with me. I kissed him and whispered, “you will be with me at our safe haven forever home before you know it. I promise.”
Fear and hope rushed through me as he kept his gaze into my soul rounding the corner. I boarded the plane with hesitation, and took my seat. I was worried about what everyone was going to think, what everyone knew or didn’t know, and if I would ever see my best friend again.
A week passed and there he was. My poor sweet boy only 8 measly pounds as he shivered in his carrier coming off the airplane. I was so happy to be reunited with my true love.
Time has passed, but nothing has been forgotten from the whirlwind we spent together. Every night as we prayed for forgiveness and safety, I would pray that someday, somehow I would be able to get him to his forever home safe and sound for the remainder of his years. He has never left to this day. (Except for walks, car car rides, and the occasional squirrel.)
Thank you my friend, my companion, my partner, my love, for being everything I needed and more during the darkest chapters of my life. Thank you for remaining loyal and loving even when you deserved better every moment. Thank you for your kindness and forgiveness since our journey those 8 long years ago. Thank you. You are the angelic savior I never knew I would need in this life. I love you.
Om Mani Padme Hum.࿆ૐ
Ⓒ copyright Eternal Waking Beauties